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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021591">Chasing Shadows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oakofdreams/pseuds/oakofdreams'>oakofdreams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Vampire Diaries (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dead Stefan Salvatore, F/M, Human Damon Salvatore, Humanity, Hurt Damon Salvatore, Love, POV Damon Salvatore, POV Elena Gilbert, Season/Series 01, Series Finale, Vampires</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:21:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,791</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021591</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oakofdreams/pseuds/oakofdreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Damon strong and shattered, full of shadow and still spending lights.</p><p>This work will contain various insights into Damon Salvatore (and at times Elena's) thoughts and feelings from different moments of the series; whenever I am inspired by a moment and want to write it. It is my way to express my love for the character of Damon. I just have to mention that I haven't read the book series, so it is completely based on my impression of Damon in the TV series.</p><p>Scenes might be slightly changed for better writing but mostly I want to remain true to the series and just fill in the gaps.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This takes up the moment in the finale when Damon and Elena meet again (8x13)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Human</strong>
</p><p>Damon Salvatore still stood at his brother’s grave as Caroline already left the crypt. He still could not dare to think that he would never see Stefan again. How was he supposed to live? Damon felt his heartbeat more than ever before as if it wanted to press him down to the ground like a dark heavy carpet. One of those that lay in the Salvatore house. One of those Stefan once had destroyed, and Damon had been angry about him. A sudden flash of this memory made a bitter smile appear on his face. Without him controlling it the emotion rushed over him; a mix of different memories flooded around him. They had fought so many years and in the end, there was this bond that would never be broken even in death. Damon tilted his head. He should be dead instead of Stefan.</p><p>Damon remembered that Caroline was probably waiting outside for him. He thought he had heard something, but his ears could as well have tricked him. He wrinkled his forehead. It was so silent. Damon was still not used to being human again. After all those years and all that had happened, it just did not feel right. The silence was like a warning and a reminder that no one was there right now and that the was truly alone. And he could not even switch off his humanity to diminish all those thoughts he could only hold back with all of his human weakness. There was no one else who could carry him, who could turn him away from all those emotions. All the people that kept him sane were gone. He sighed and shook his head to make those thoughts vanish and shut them away in a dark corner of his soul. There was nothing else he could do about it, he could not even express his feelings as he used to do. He was human, he was too weak for that.</p><p>Damon rose and felt his stiff muscles and slow movements. Another part of being human, none he specifically liked but did it even matter now? He took a last glance at the stone with the letters of his brother’s name on it. It seemed like a picture from a long-gone nightmare. Damon then went outside with an uncontrollable ache wavering in his heart. The air felt thick and dry as he had expected. Every day would be as expected. But as he looked up the scene that awaited him was everything else but the expected. Caroline still stood directly in front of the crypt as if she had not moved since she left. Her eyes were wide open, and her hands were closed in front of her face. She was definitely surprised or rather astonished by something she saw. Damon followed her view through the trees. The something was actually someone. There was Bonnie and in front of her stood… Elena. Elena?</p><p>Everything about this moment was filled with emotions Damon could not grasp. They overdrew him and put him in a place where he felt as if he was watching the scene from above. It felt far from real. But there Elena stood and looked directly into his eyes. Her eyes were filled with so much life. A breath of her swamped like a wave to where he stood, and Damon sank.</p><p>He lost control of his feelings and the ache rose in him. As always, she had lifted a wall inside of him, he had so often rebuilt again and again, and thought now for the last time. But the wall began to break. Little stones fell to the ground and the air carried them away. And his pressing pain somehow broke through. The carpet lifted and made him move. Out of a moment, he ran directly into her arms. His lips landed on hers and his full despair broke down in the kiss. Elena looked at him as their lips parted. Damon’s despair was written in her face. She just covered him in her arms. The pain still stayed but, at that moment, it was not his alone.</p><p>---</p><p>They both returned to Stefan’s grave as the others gave them their private moment. Elena was still quiet as they sat down beside the stone. They had not spoken a word since they met, and she did not feel like breaking the silence now. It was time to process what happened. Elena gazed at Damon staring at the grave with his forehead still in wrinkles. She could not see any sign of a smile, rather confusion. She held his hand tight. More than she was happy about their reuninon she felt guilty that she had been forced to leave him. That he had to go through all this alone. Not anymore. Elena felt broken, she understood Damon’s pain so well, no, she felt it as if it were her own and she could not bear it. Elena laid her face slowly on his shoulder. At least they could carry it together.</p><p>“I should have died,” Damon said out of nowhere. His voice sounded as dry as the air around them.</p><p>Elena rose her head. “No…” It seemed incredibly hard to speak. “Damon, he was at peace. The only thing he wanted was for you to live and be human.”</p><p>Damon still did not look at her, but his lips formed a wry smile that not even reached halfway to his eyes. “Don’t try to trick me, Elena.”</p><p>The way he said her name touched her heart in a way she had not dared to believe to feel again after her long sleep in the coffin. She actually also still could not believe she was even awake. But that did not matter right now. Damon was full of pain but his love for her had not vanished and she needed him to believe that he was not alone.</p><p>She sat up a little more and focused on his face. His blue eyes still lasted on the gravestone and his forehead was in wrinkles, his gaze grim was almost as frozen as the stone, but she was not able to push back the happiness inside of her because of this handsome face, because she saw the man again that gave her a love beyond boundaries, moments beyond time and life beyond death.</p><p>Elena smiled. “Damon, I saw him before he… died.” Her own pain made it difficult to say the word, but she continued to smile. Damon needed that strength now.</p><p>Finally, he looked at her. The look was as deep as ever before, dived deep into her soul.</p><p>Elena took a small breath and continued. “He told me that he wanted you to live and that he saw you as the man you were before. He wanted you to be human.”</p><p>“And for that, he had to leave me alone? I deserved to die!” Damon’s eyes fluttered slightly. His whole body moved towards her and his hand moved out of hers, clenching his fist instead. Elena winced. His anger seemed so much more real in some way than when he was a vampire.</p><p>“You know who I am, Elena? You know what I have done all the time you were gone?” He stood up and gazed at her even more strongly. Elena had seen this passionate look so many times. She did not hold back, she had it inside of her as well.</p><p>“Yes, I know you! I know what you went through, and I know what it’s like to lose someone.” Elena took a deep breath and fought the fire in his eyes with her fire. “I could not bear your dead and erased my memory remember?!”</p><p>Damon continued to gaze at her. They stood both before Stefan’s grave. Elena raised her voice again, this time more silently. “Damon everything you do is for someone you love. Whatever you did. You do not deserve that.”</p><p>“And Stefan did?” The fire in Damon’s eyes slowly vanished into a sea of smoke. The tension in his body seemingly joined the smoke. Suddenly he appeared weak and exhausted. He appeared human.</p><p>“It was his decision alone, Damon.” Elena took a step forward to him. She reached out and touched his cheek gently. “And I am glad you are here.”</p><p>Damon closed his eyes and pulled her closer to him. “I cannot bear this pain and I cannot escape to inhumanity. I am bound by this… feeling.” He looked at with an ache in his face that laid a shadow over his face.</p><p>“I am here, and I feel it, too, Damon.”</p><p>She laid her head on his chest, could feel his heartbeat. His breath was deep and hopefully easing. “I guess, I have to get used to being human, now.” Damon sighed deeply and Elena could feel that a tear was running down his cheek, although he tried to hide it. “I just miss him so much.”</p><p>She rose her head and looked at him. “I miss him, too.” Before she could control it, tears were also in her eyes. The salty liquid was like refreshing rain after a long desert.</p><p>They stood there as one for minutes. Just the two of them while the air around them got lifted like an old curtain after a suspenseful scene.</p><p>Then Elena smiled and tried to ignore the tears. “I like that new way you are by the way.”</p><p>Damon looked at her. The shadow on his face changed into a dim light. He raised an eyebrow. “Like a small weak human? I am sorry Elena, but I can’t kill your enemies anymore.”</p><p>“That’s not what I meant.”</p><p>He smiled. And this time the smile reached his eyes. Then it turned into a smirk. “And you have to find someone else your friends can blame for everything; they can thank Stefan” He wrapped his arms further around her. “Oh wait, I guess my ability to go on their nerves might stay.”</p><p>Elena grinned and relief lingered in her, there he was. “I am so looking forward to how human-Damon can torture us.”</p><p>Damon took her head in his hands and kissed her, as if it was the first time, as if it was a matter of time. And it was. The pain was still there but he held the key to his sanctuary in his hand. He closed his eyes and felt the air around him. Felt the feelings that he could not shut down. He would carry them inside as a reminder of what his brother had given to him. He looked at Elena’s smile, how beautiful she was both inside and outside, how she could save him every time, how he saw the good in him. In between all the pain, a feeling of happiness slowly floated around his wall. For the first time, he felt a grasp of humanity. He looked at the grave and nodded to Stefan. <em>You always knew how much I missed being human.</em> In time Damon would heal, but Stefan would accompany him on the whole long road and after this short life, they would see each other again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Reverberation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Revisiting Damon and Elena's second (for her first) meeting at the Salvatore house in 1x02. Insights into Damon's thoughts and feelings</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Damon knew that someone had entered the Salvatore house. And not just because the door creaked loudly, and a voice called his brother's name. He could almost feel the breath of this person, hear the beating of a heart. It was rare that someone strayed here and if they did, it usually ended badly for the person. Not for Damon, of course. For him, it always ended well. As a vampire, he often had to fortify himself and preferably with blood that was still warm in his veins. Damon did not suppress his grin and sat up in his large wooden bed. A little rest had not done him any harm, but now he was ready and would devote himself to the visitor. Or rather, the female visitor. Damon's gaze fell to the floor, as if he knew that she was just below him. He closed his eyes. There he was again, the pulsing heartbeat, there was the blood waiting for him. Abruptly he opened his eyes again and frowned. This human was not prey. Not today and probably not ever.</p><p>He recognised her and her heartbeat was like a rhythm that echoed in his mind. He recognised her and the feeling that surrounded her. Strangely enough, even without hearing her voice. He knew this person looked like Katherine. <em>Elena.</em></p><p>Damon hardly noticed how he suddenly clenched his hands into fists and tensed up inside. Katherine was still gone. Locked in a crypt, out of his reach. Even if Damon seemed a little closer to his goal by now, she was still unreachable for him. In the place where she should be, there was only cold, dark emptiness and bitterness that he had not been able to save her. All those moments wasted for nothing. They had been meant for a lifetime together. The abrupt memory of that loss, triggered in him the urge to not only kill the image of Katherine, but to gleefully suck the blood from her veins until there was nothing left and she became the shadow she was. A shadow of Katherine. Nothing more. The veins under Damon's eyes instantly grew into a menacing mass. Katherine. One more time he let her name slide through his mind and then evaporate into dust. Down there was Elena.</p><p>Stefan had a crush on her and somehow Damon wanted to let him have his little fun. And besides, there was that feeling. A reverberation of a heartbeat and meeting on a road not far from Mystic Falls a few months ago when he had first seen Elena and mistaken her for Katherine.</p><p>Yeah, she reminded him of Katherine, that's why she couldn't be prey and that's why he had recognised her.</p><p>Either way, he could have his fun with her because, well, she was not Katherine. Damon straightened amost too enthusiastically and stroked his shirt. His crooked grin had returned. And how he would have his fun. Stefan would not be pleased.</p><p>As quick as he could be as a vampire and without Elena even seeing him, he slipped past her and teared open the door. The scene had not failed to have its effect and Elena turned around, startled. At the same moment Damon was standing behind here. That did not make it any less frightening for her. Elena backed up and winced noticeably. Her shoulders hunched and her hair moved slightly in the wind coming from outside. Damon just tilted his head a little to get a better look at her.</p><p>[“I..I am sorry for barging in. The door was open.”] She turned around and pointed at the door, which was now no longer open. She was confused. Damon did not take his eyes off her. He only blinked briefly.</p><p>[„You must be Elena. I am Damon. Stefan’s brother.”] He said in a controlled quiet voice.</p><p>Then he slightly backed away and saw her dark eyes glancing at him sceptically. Her gaze was no longer fearful. More curious, or almost... bold, challenging. Like Katherine's? Not exactly. Damon focused more strongly on Elena for a brief moment, making his facade of ease seem more ponderous. His eyes never left her. He scrutinised her, making her feel visibly uncomfortable. No, Katherine was a completely different dimension. She had been overwhelming, never insecure.</p><p>
  <em>You want a love that consumes you.</em>
</p><p>Damon blinked again. That memory that just left a scar at the edge of his mind wasn't about Katherine. It was the moment he had first seen Elena and had first mistaken her for Katherine. Then he had given advice to Elena, for whatever reason. There had been this feeling inside him. He could not quite put his finger on it.</p><p>Elena looked unsettled now, but she smiled. And as she smiled, her eyes shone, despite all the pain she must have been in. Despite all this suffering. Something was missing in her that made Damon hesitate, even though his gaze remained piercing and his stance firm. Inside, something made him waver as he clung to his wall.</p><p>A shadow was missing in her. The shadow he would always welcome.</p><p>Damon almost shuddered. As a hint of warmth touched him.</p><p>He had recognised her now or then not because she was like Katherine, but because she was not like her at all.</p><p>She was not a reflection of Katherine. She did not resemble her in the least.</p><p>The strange feeling remained. But he would not let the wall tremble.</p><p>
  <em>Not yet. </em>
</p><p><em>But certainly, </em><em>he would </em><em>enjoy the rest of this conversation, </em>Damon thought as he invited her in.</p>
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